Cat Central is pleased to announce that Binky Cat has successfully completed his most recent mission and has been recalled to the Home Office for debriefing and re-assignment.

 

"He really volunteered for a tough one this time," said the Spokescat for Cat Central. "Toward the end, he was taking on just about every health problem that we could think of. He was very courageous, and he and a lot of humans have learned much from his experience. His primary human was great at meeting the challenge of diabetes, but she was very slow with the second big challenge. She thought it was about learning every single disease. She finally did catch on that it was a different lesson this time, and she passed her test by letting go of what she loved. She shows some promise, and we may assign her another agent in the future to help her work on her spiritual development."

Janet, Binky's female human, was interviewed at her home. "He was the most loving cat ever," she said, apparently unaware that her eyes had sprung leaks and were dripping all over everything. "When he first came home with us, he decided within about half an hour that I was his mom, and he used to poke around in my hair, looking for a nipple. Even in his later days, he liked to stick his face in my hair to nurse, and he always adored being hugged and having his tummy rubbed, up until his illness at the end. He was always chirpy and talkative, and he didn't want anything more than good food, clean litter, a warm bed, things to play with, a yard to roam in, and my total undivided attention. They broke the mold when they made Binky, and I'm really going to miss him."

John, his male human, added, "When we met him, he decided that he was going to wrestle my thumb to the ground and eviscerate it. He didn't seem to notice that there was another 190 pounds of human attached. He wasn't the brightest lamp in the store, but he was a great cat, very affectionate. This house is going to seem emptier without him, although I have no doubt that another cat will arrive to fill his niche."

Binky's feline colleague, Manifestation-of-the-Goddess, begged to differ. "He was quite uncatlike, the way he liked being cradled and hugged. I tried getting his Cat Union card pulled several times, but Cat Central always ignored my reports. The Fraternal Order of Orange Tabbies really has too much clout with the Front Office. And he wasn't very bright . . . he even thought I was bigger than him! Moi, the epitome of daintiness! But still, I'm going to miss the big lug. It was always fun stalking him and chasing him out of the living room or off the bed. And he was a good cat to have at your back when repelling invaders from the yard. In another few dozen lives, he'll probably be ready to be promoted to female. But he's not there yet."

Binky himself was found rolling on his back in the grass at the Rainbow Bridge, but was willing to talk to this reporter. "I really enjoyed this assignment, although the last few months were not much fun. My female human was very affectionate, although sometimes she was distracted from her duty to look after my every need. But she wasn't very bright - she actually thought she was my mother! I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was of a lesser species. Besides, I love being hugged. My male human was great, too, and always good for another hug, not to mention breakfast and a good face scratch. And that other cat, well, she was okay. But you know the Sisterhood of Calicos - they all have a lithium deficiency, if you know what I mean.

"Right now, my plans are to take a little R&R, and to look up some cats whom I met in spirit, if they haven't been re-assigned. There are dozens of them that I can think of - Ella, Fitzgerald, Beau, Rascal, Rhamu, Popcorn, Baby, Asia, Cashew, Ben, Punkin, Poo, Elliott, Jasper, Thai, Max, Marco, Tom, Zelda, Patches, Tucker, and so many more, I'm going to have to check my address book. This new computer age is wonderful for making friends whom you would never otherwise be able to meet.

"But after I rest for a while, I'm going to accept another assignment. These primates are just so cute, and they're very trainable - almost intelligent. I'm glad we domesticated them and bred them to serve our needs. I would certainly accept another assignment with the same humans, but this time I want to be able to do more catlike things, such as kill mice, climb trees, get up on the roof, and beat up neighborhood cats, so I may need to be assigned to another household. Either way, I'm looking forward to picking up a new, vigorous, kitten body."

With that comment, Binky bounded away and swiftly disappeared up into a large mallorn, in pursuit of a raucous scrub jay. Other cats quickly gathered around the trunk, placing wagers on the outcome.